Those Phrases shared by A Father Which Helped Me during my time as a New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple words "You are not in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - going on a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, on occasion I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."